I will say, I appreciate nostalgia; I love when random memories are evoked through a scent or a song. Are you a nostalgic person? Do you often find yourself strolling down memory lane, thinking of the good times, or dare I say, the shoulda coulda woulda times that you kind of regret?
I sometimes look back and think, "ugh, I wish I didn't do that," or "I really wish it didn't happen that way," or "OMG I seriously hope [she/he] doesn't remember that." I find myself regretting specific actions from when I was younger, in high school and college. I catch myself dwelling, ruminating, simmering in the feeling of discomfort and guilt. Realistically, when I step out of it, I can see how pointless this is. However, I've also noticed that through this admitted self-torture (which I do not recommend!), I've started putting the pieces together.
I see now that I used to need the attention of other people, and that I derived my self-worth from the attention I received from others. It was a sign of poor self-esteem as well as a product of my environment, sure. This lingering guilt from nostalgia stems from this, and perhaps causes some lingering feelings of needing to please others or have them view me in a obsessively positive light.
It took some time soul-searching and connecting with my interests (not what was cool or trendy), spending time alone and with my stable significant-other (now hubs) to begin to build myself up; I needed to turn inward and identify who I was, not how I wanted others to perceive me.
Since reconnecting with yoga, I've been able to learn more about myself and feel comfortable with my identity and my soul. I recognize that not everyone connects with yoga, and I promise I am not trying to convert anyone to do so! What I would like to imply is that by really allowing yourself to discover your interests, go inward, connect with your self and soul, connecting with your passions on a deeper level, you can start to really appreciate the lovely uniqueness that is Y O U.
- S